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Hi “Guys n Galz”!

Tiz, I, Maya, the “Femme” half of the BF Listings Team.  (And yes, I recently buzzed off my hair, but am still the Femme I always was!)  I have just accepted the job of Volunteer Coordinator at this year’s Dyke March at Palm Springs Pride!  This is an official – or not so official – CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS!!  If you are in the area – or plan to be here – and would like to help out, we can use your good self!  Please check out the Dyke March Facebook page  for more info.  Also look here:

Dyke March will take place on Saturday, November 5th, 4PM and will be followed by speakers and performers they say we won’t want to miss!

The Palm Springs Dyke March 2016 is generously sponsored by:
Desert AIDS Project
The LGBT Community Center of the Desert

with support from Palm Springs Pride.

Interested in volunteering?

Email us at



Palm Springs Pride is considered “the last Pride of the Season” – it’s still warm and sunny in the desert, and you KNOW you wanna be there!

ALSO, if you have new listings for BF Listings site, please send ’em our way.

We love you ALL,

The BFL Team



Hey All,


Just had to share this link –   The film is titled

The Oldest LESBIAN in the World!

Its a short film about “an old butch who loves women and loves to talk about it! The lesbian Hugh Hefner! A lively portrait of one of the most uniquely endearing persons that you are likely to meet. Full of life, energy and bawdy good humor, it’s a real treat.”

— Ray McDermott,

Check  out this Butch when, at 15:00 into the film, she and the interviewer sing “I don’t go to bed with butches…”  Bobbie Staff is 96 years old at the time of the interview and shares with glee her many conquests.  Enjoy:


Hugs to All our BF Community!

The BF Listings Team

It’s a way off from now, but…






We just learned that an other PALM SPRINGS PRIDE DYKE MARCH will be happening again this year!  We were present for the first ever PSDM last year and it was a blast – please plan on attending the 2016 March and if you see us, come on over to say hello!  If you are Butch or Femme or just like us here at ButchFemmeListings, we’d be honored to have you march with us.  We will keep you updated as we learn more.  For now, you can visit LAST year’s DM facebook page:



(Above: That is us, last year, at the first ever PSp Dyke March – we were proud to be there!)

We will keep you updated as we learn more, so stay tuned.

For those coming from afar, please make your reservations for accommodation soon – we know it seems far off, but Palm Springs in November is GORGEOUS and hotels, motels, BnB’s all fill up super fast – especially for Pride weekend!  If you get here late, you could try checking Desert Hot Springs, Cathedral City, Palm Desert,  Joshua Tree or Yucca Valley – all some minutes drive -but they may have openings when Palm Springs is full.

There are plenty of other hotels, motels, BnB’s, AirBnB’s etc. in Palm Springs and surrounding areas (and remember, PSp is an LGBTQ Mecca, so pretty much anywhere you go – especially in Pride season – you will find Family), but these two are known to be Lesbian establishments:

casitasCasitas Laquita Lesbian Resort –

queenQueen of Hearts Lesbian Resort –

If we hear back from enough of you all, we just might plan a B/F meetup dinner or some other B/F event over the Pride weekend.  Let us know.  We look forward to marching with you!

Love as Always,

The BFL Team

Live Event Yucca Valley, CA

Dear BF Community Family,

As some of you may or may not be aware, we hold Crystal Healing Circle events – and in light of Orlando, we are doing a SHORT NOTICE gathering THIS SUNDAY. If you are in the area, please feel welcome to attend!  (And if all this is just too weird, no worries! We love you so much anyway!!)  Below is the link to the actual event invitation.

Blessings and Much Love to All,

The BFL Team

Click here for Event Invitation

Happy Pride to our LA BF Community!


We just had to post this fabulous photo off of the Dyke Day LA Facebook page

( )

We hope you all have a ton of fun – and its TODAY – so head over to Dkye Day LA if you are in the area!


From Dyke Day LA FB page: “Your 2016 @dykedayla crew. We are an all volunteer crew working to create a safe, inclusive space for dykes, queers, and allies. Thank you to the DDLA founding Foremothers for visualizing a fun, free, alternative LA pride event. 8 years strong.”


Love you all,

The BFL Team

Butch Femme Lit. . .

Dear Readers,

HOORAY for Summertime, beaches, BBQ’s, laying around with the dogs ‘n’ cats. . . One of our favorite summer things to do is read to each other.  We have been doing this for about five years – and just like many of you, we are ever on the lookout for books in which we – Butch~Femme community – are represented authentically.  Whether fact or fiction, there is no denying that little jump-for-joy we feel when we recognize ourselves in the pages or on screen – and, sadly, it is a rare occurrence.

We want to share the following title with you all; we found the book in a second hand store in Long Beach – maybe you know it. . . in case not, the book is:


By Barbara Johnson

Click here to find it on

And you can read a reader-review about it HERE.


Though to be perfectly honest, we have not yet finished the book so we offer this info with a ‘read at your own risk’ preamble, and in fact, we agree with the writer of the review above that it is not the most well written book on the shelf. . . but we are giving it a wide berth simply because we can identify with the characters.  Not for lit class, but as a short summer butch-femme escape, we thought some of you out there in reader-land might want to check it out too.

If you have some good titles you want to share, please do, and we will post them or link to your site.

Sending Cool Summer Breezes to You All,

With Love,

The BFL Team


A Personal Ramble on “Identifying”

Hey There, BF Community and Those Who Love Us!

It’s been a while, but we’re back!


First up:

We’d really love to hear from y’all with your fave new listings, so don’t be shy about popping us a note.  Check the “About” page for what to send us.





We found a page we think is kinda fun – check out Butch Femme Love Quotes






The bit I am about to share with you is some of my personal story.  I share it not because it is anything special, or even necessarily very different from many of YOUR stories. I share it because recently, I have had conversations with not one, but two young women who argued with me that today there is no need to ‘wave flags and attend parades’ because we are all accepted.  Why, I was asked, does anyone need to IDENTIFY as any specific thing?  Why make noise about being  a lesbian, or a particular type of lesbian? Why do you need to say you are a Femme or  Butch or Whatever?

I suggested that this is easy to say coming from life in a gay-friendly, big city, having been raised in a basically safe environment, and having had LGBTQ Family Who Went Before you and paved the way. . . but that there are many, many kids – and adults – today, in many, many places, who are NOT accepted as who and what they are.  And until such time as no one of us is in danger of being harmed – emotionally, verbally, sexually, physically or otherwise (by others or themselves) for who they are, I believe it is not only our RIGHT but our OBLIGATION – as soon as we are ready and able – to STAND UP AND BE COUNTED. I shared a bunch reasons why a person might want or need to stand up and Identify, wave a flag, join a Pride Parade. Such as:

  • A young person shunned and cast out of their home for being LGBTQ, who has struggled to heal those family inflicted wounds and now rejoices in hir NEW Family
  • A person who lived closeted for a long time and now finds healing in stepping bravely Out
  • A person who has loved ones who have been harmed for being LGBTQ and is empowered by standing up
  • An elderly person who worked and fought hard for the right for all of us to be free
  • A person who lived through the AIDS epidemic but most of who’s friends and beloveds did not – in solidarity with and in honor of their lost one’s lives and deaths
  • A person who is still not accepted by their family, town, or country for being LGBTQ

And then I made it personal. I said this:

I am Gay. I am a Lesbian. I am, specifically, a Femme Lesbian.  My Beloved is a big ol’ Butch.  Each for our own reasons, we both find it personally important to IDENTIFY as such.  To name ourselves, share with others like us and those who are not, make noise about who and what we feel we are.  For me, it might partly be a making-up-for-lost-time, since it took me til forever to totally figure myself out. . .and come out – to myself, to the world.  And maybe because I missed so many years as myself, I do want to see and be seen by my community.  The LGBTQ community. The Lesbian community. The BF community.  It’s a community in which I am healed and whole.  Maybe if you never have to feel separate from yourself, you can’t imagine needing to feel re-joined with yourself and the people who help you find that self.

Yeah, I’m one of the Femme casualties of the 60’s-70’s Wimmin’s/Womyn’s movement. . .Looking back (though I know that it was important work done to make space for the majority of lesbians who are NOT B/F to be themselves without having to “role play”),  a terrible wound was created for those of us who were not role-playing but rather were, and are, innately and truly B/F.  Looking back, once again I want to rage at the Womyn-space dykes who undyked me because of my femininity (shaming me for undermining the feminist movement and ‘catering to the patriarchy’ by choosing to keep my hair long and wearing skirts – I was actually, on two separate occasions, asked to leave a gathering because I was not properly dressed down), and those same Feminists caused too many of my potential Butch lovers to soften themselves so as not to be ‘siding with the enemy’ [men] or ‘aping’ maleness . . . so that I could not find you Butches, nor find any mirror of myself, you Femmes.  So that I even absorbed the concepts I was hearing, to my own detriment.  (I remember the one and only time I was in a real, old-school B/F bar.  I walked in and there were half a dozen super hard core Butches at the bar and hanging out on the wall.  I was overcome with some kind of anxiety and joined in the popular chant of the times: “If I wanted something that looked like THAT, I’d just date a real man”. . . now, looking back, I recognize my anxiety for what it was: A totally overwhelming attraction to these amazing power-beings, the full-on/know-who-they-are Butches, and thus terror at recognition of my own Femme-ness. . . “take me back there to heaven” I’d now say, but back then it was so ingrained in us all to chant for modern women’s lib. . .

In the early 1970’s I found myself at sea with no shore in sight; I believed wholeheartedly in Women’s Liberation.  I was as excited by the movement as anyone was; my mother was a women’s libber and meetings were held at our home. Well I recall the heated discussions and plans made for all mothers to wear pants to the PTA meetings and defy the thus-unbroken rules that female parents dress ‘appropriately’ at my school.  In fact, I myself, in the 8th grade, was one of the instigators of “pants day” in my school – a day when girls in grades 7-12 would defy rules and, en masse, show up in pants, overalls, trousers – anything but the required skirts.  And we did indeed achieve a meeting with the head mistress who granted us first one day a week and later an open choice to wear pants if we wished.  I loved all this.  But along with it, in the lesbian world of the time (having only just moments ago escaped the clothing rules of 50’s and 60’s society), came a new kind of clothing and behavior police: Womyn-space.

The new and sacred space being created by feminists, and specifically lesbian feminists, was so positive in so many ways that we somehow forgot to notice that while it was busy closing doors on the damaging 50’s definition of a Woman and her Role in society, it was unwittingly creating new definitions that were equally harmful to some of our own.

Me, myself, as a young person finding my way into the world of my own senses, found myself confused.  I loved people – all people.  All my life I had had crushes on both boys and girls.  In my late teens I was drawn to gay spaces, lesbian spaces. But I was not always welcomed with open arms.  Or I was repeatedly asked when I would be ready to cut my hair.  I was mistrusted as a potential turncoat.  I went out dancing with my gay male friends. . .and had so much more fun than I ever did in womynspace.  Maybe I was just a big ol’ Fag Hag.  I wished I were a gay man – they were so much more colorful.  Maybe I wasn’t gay after all. I wasn’t as boring or angry or stiff and uncomfortable with myself as ‘real’ lesbians were.  I could date men. I could date women.  Though I clearly liked women as people a whole lot better than I did most male humans, I was, actually, very drawn to Masculine energy. . .  men liked me. . . and the lesbian world at the time made fun of me.

I recall a date with a woman I liked very much – we went to a bar where shortly after arriving, a friend of hers took her aside and, with a sneer, asked my girlfriend about my attire:  ‘What is she WEARING?  Is that a DRESS?!!” My embarrassed girlfriend shared this story with me – clearly with the purpose of shaming me into wearing a flannel shirt next time.  (I was, in fact, wearing a wonderfully flowing, light turquoise shirt that came down to my mid-thighs – you know, a hippy-shirt. . .)

So after a while, I decided to call myself Pan-sexual. My motto was: I don’t care if you are black or white, fat or thin, male or female blah blah blah. . . if I like who you ARE, I will work with what you’ve GOT. . . and so I lived for most of my life.  I dated a lot of wonderful souls, men and woman. I was attracted to them each to varying degrees.  And also something was missing, though I never could quite tell what it was.  Looking like I did, it was much easier to date men than women.  I never disliked them.  In fact, I ended up marrying a really wonderful one. We raised fabulous kids together.  We had very busy lives in which we were often apart. We argued a lot, often about things that seemed unresolvable. We went through many deeply rough spots and had endless conversations about dating other people.  We loved each other – and are still the best of friends.

But let me fast-forward.  When I figured out that all my ambiguity regarding whom to date, all my adoration of rainbows and the LGBTQ world, all my tears when I would attend Prides over the years, all my WISHING I was a REAL gay person. . . when I figured out that all this pain was due to a simple – yet oh so complex situation (the confusion of a time and political situation I happened to be a victim or product of), I realized I had found the key to my healing, to myself.  I won’t burden you all with every detail.  But I will say that realizing that I could have both a woman AND masculine energy ALL IN ONE PACKAGE was about as earth-shatteringly exciting as, um, well, a VOLCANO ERUPTING.  When I opened to the previously hidden world of Butch/Femme, my body, heart, mind and spirit SOARED. I had found home, Her, ME.  I found Community. I felt, for the first time in my whole life, WHOLE.  It makes me cry to write this, even now.

After figuring myself out, I can look back at my life and read the signs clear as day. But none of it was clear back then.  I have spoken to countless Femmes of my vintage with similar stories.  And plenty of Butches who, though they could not completely hide from their identity as I could, still had put some kind of a damper on their true Butch nature during those anti-B/F times.

I am aware that none of this is anything new to most of you in the BF world.  (And if it is, and you want to read more about it, check out the most awesome classic: The Persistent Desire; A Femme-Butch Reader, edited by Joan Nestle )


But it seems to me that we still need to make noise about this stuff – maybe it’s just my need not to be forgotten, my need for ALL the LGBTQ people who have lived through more than 3 decades and recall harder times not to be forgotten. . .  I am grateful to know that there are young people out there today who live in a wonderfully free world – a world from which they have the safety, respect and ease of movement that allows them to take a stance – or not.  A world in which they feel they can be who they are without “Identifying”.  And I am just fine with that. I guess I am only asking that YOU who do not feel the need or desire to do so, not judge US – any of us, from any time, or any place – those of us who DO feel the need  or desire or make the choice to










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Thanks & Love Always,

F of The BFL Team